Saturday, May 1, 2010

MY DAYS AS A CARNEY- by Michael Ubaldini


MY DAYS AS A CARNEY- by Michael Ubaldini
I was beat busted, and rusted and disgusted..I heard the folk singer singin’
So I knew I felt that way too…

So I jumped up to the evening’s radiant fortitude of rusted vomit and strolled out onto the blacktop pavement. I was only19 years old but I dreamed of the carnival.

..My goal would be completed as I walked many years and tears later through a looking glass window, crashed into a sleepless hut and smoked a pack of empty cigarettes…scrambled to a railway line looking to jump the train, but by the time the train rolled round’ to me in this century I knew it would take my arm off so I roamed on without a train to catch

So I jumped a burro and it led me into a tent of sorts

I cleaned cages

Rang bells

Fought off ‘Tom Thumb’ and kicked out the ‘Bearded lady’

Cause her beard was thicker then mine

.. ..I often (after whipping the ringmaster several times into the hoop jumping scoundrel that he was)…came to the conclusion that was all he hired me for…so I told him to stick his neck into the lions mouth to get his head back…I think he rather enjoyed it (though I felt he knew nothing about Chuck Berry and it made me sick!)

The people came and me and Tom Thumb sat drinkin’ whiskey and trying’ to pick up chicks…he tried to fight me and got a little jealous cause I got all the tall girls…I couldn’t understand why he was trying’ to steal the stilts from the ‘Top Hatted Tall Man’, who read nothing but Esquire magazine on every other Tuesday looking for a coupon to buy himself a cane to give to ‘The Fat Lady’(He was sensitive like that)….

The more towns we traveled to, the more I became withdrawn…..

I couldn’t understand the politician who kept kissing himself in the funhouse mirror…Couldn’t he reconcile his differences elsewhere?

..Chuck Berry was blastin’ from the rafters and once again the Mayor man(That’s who he claimed to be anyway) was trying to shut us down….He kept saying we was too American for our own good

And he was gonna tell us what to do for our own good (I admit I was game until they told us somethin’ bout freedom only getting ya outta being humane).

.But I couldn’t agree with him,

So I gave him my candy colored straw hat and stuffed toy for being so strong as to ring the bell and sent him off to debate with ‘The Trapeze Artist’…..I figured they could shoot off the cannon ball and figure out that Stonewall Jackson and Mr. Ulysses Grant had done enough….so they should enjoy life and take in a ball game…you know…take it easy man…The Mayor man (or so he claimed)even tried to get outta payin’ us!!

I was blown away!!....Him of all people!! I knew as did Tom Thumb that this cat was was just lookin’ to become an animal that stood on two hind legs and I knew after all from learning the tricks of the trade from The Fat Lady that ‘Animal Farm’ was already well known and still in print….to be honest I didn’t really care as he did try to pay for his prize after all later that day and the carnival would just have to roll into the next town without him…kinda miss that ol’ troublemaker…reminded me of my dear old teacher back at school…

The one who told me all about how life is a carnival. but I was one up on him cause ‘ my sister already had a copy of ‘The Band” album….me and Tom Thumb played it over and over again til’ the turntable broke during a cheap stunt in Portland.

.. ..I did this for about a 3 year period. I fell in love several times with a ‘Dancing woman who swallowed swords’…she was incredible….but we had to part..It was true love after all and she did give me that ol’ guitar and my life really hasn’t been the same ever since…

I quit the carnival and joined the circus and became a Rock n Roll Star…me and ‘Annie Oakley’ and ‘Stack O lee’……

Singin’ and a shootin’

Hittin’ the target and winning’ the prize...and those tours across the pond were cool...bringin’ the carnival to new places and seeing everyone get hoppin’ mad bout’ how there is too much ‘American influence’ everywhere

…why you shoulda’ seen em’ get hoppin’ mad about it all…I wasn’t scared cause there is a sucker born every minute (That’s a famous P.T. Barnum saying you know)...and we just kept selling the loudest critics of the lot more and more Levis…..Man we made a killing on those blue jeans…..they sure hated us but they sho’ looked good in Levis…..

Well we sailed cross back home to ..Ellis Island..….. But it was closed for repair, so we landed on ‘Plymouth Rock ‘

They almost turned us away but ‘The Incredible Jesto the Human Cannon Ball' told em’- carneys are really ‘Pilgrims in disguise’…. so they let us through.

I decided right there and then and there with my guitar in go my separate way…So I did and wished-

Tom Thumb,

The Fat Lady, Stack O’ and Annie,The Ringmaster, The Dancer,

The Bearded lady,

The Trapeze artist,

The Top Hatted Tall Man,

Jesto & the Burro- ‘Good Luck’

And headed out to sing across the great land of ‘Mark Twain’

.. ..I sure miss my days as a Carney

-Michael Ubaldini

Copyright 2008 – Michael Ubaldini-library of congress
all rights reserverd including the rights of reproduction in whole part in any form
MICHAEL & THE LONESOME PLAYBOYS-'Last Of The Honky Tonks'.......Coming soon.. On BLACKWATER RECORDS AND TAPES.......

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