'Stop Kickin' My Dog Round '- 2018 in review

Ah 2018 , can't wait to put this one in my back pocket...actually I mean out of my pocket and throw this thing &this year out -

Before I let you know why dear friends ,may I (If you don't mind ) cloak you in a coat of the warmth of the good  stuff- well maybe....

Year started as uneventful  as usual (Apart from the Outlaws Of Folk music series)
But come March things went the way of the city dump-but more of that later on ...now come along with me  on the wretched tale of 2018.

Here- put this cloak on  as we fly above and look down or' the earth below. Let it warm you with the Gram Parsons -Emmylou Harris  salute show. - a three song  set slingin' my guitar with a  one of my outlaw of folk dwellers  - rocker mom & songstress Emily Zuzik howlin' & croonin' some back up- to say we didn't slay it would be an understatement.can't go wrong at The Last Honky Tonk.
Scuze me while I give myself  a great big pat on the back...but I must now clear my throat - ahem...

Onward:

So the sun dipped over the west ,and I decided I'd take stroll , but wound up in and out of the hospital  back & forth ,back & forth - finally got kicked hard and snapped out of it- Eddie Cochran was playing in the backround sound tracking my months of lawlessness & despair- in the weeds of summer --had the rockin' pneumonia blues twice -slaughtered my groin & whacked my ankle - You know its really a drag to be hangin' round on the rope of boredom- upside more songs floated into my favorite pen - Ex girlfriend tried to swoon her way  back in but - I pulled down the shade - no more rainstorm on this wayward valley of a dead end street.-
lost way too many friends - couldn't even say goodbye ..too damn young man ,too damn young.
'Sadness & Anger' is like oil & water - My engine block is crackin'.

I recorded up in the whipper  winds of Burbank -after writing a stack of songs - they kepta comin'
and I just kepta' writin' em down ,-I kicked cans in the street -gambled away my earnings (which means I lost nothing) , and hustled a kid for his last crawfish bucket took his  advice and traded the bucket for a JB Stetson hat - not old Stacks -his great great great grandson ,donated that to me a year a many ago -Billy Lyons kin nowhere in sight-- zoomed accross the twilight and rummaged a garbage pail of words & took the best ones anf left the others there on the pile at the city dump,
Up ahead the lights were flashin' and I did a show with The Kingston Trio and one with the Posies that I must say were the highest point & as Harry Nielson says "Everybody has a point ..and a pointy head" 

-One too many flings but I wont brag lest a smack  pack of angry women show up at my door with torches and rope with some funny hats upon their angry heads. - they scare the livin' shit outta' me...no I'm SERIOUS-...but they passed my me by  and decided  I wasn't "one of those guys' and now have my back---Thank God!-Must be cause I have all them sisters &    a lot of female cousins & Aunts -Plus they know I'm on their side-The meanest one -the most hardcore of the torch carriers  -took me out - wanted me to throw her down in the kitchen & make love to her cause it was raining out doors (Good ol' Mr. Johnson knows)- but as I said -scared of that whole scene. I'm not even gonna be a Beatle and hold her  hand - too risky -I am AFRAID of this shit now. ...
"Please step away from the musician -nothing to see here" "..- I'm a high tailin'...
 I just shook hands & said goodnight - never kissed her once --- scared brother scared....no more turtle dovin' for this here boy....

-  Ya - C-  I picked up a blonde  with tattoos and went ta swirlin' to some  other  kitchen and rattled them pots& pans- scowered along guitar in hand to Folk U events by Annette Conlon - a kindred spirit  in fighting adversity if there ever was one -not to mention Doug with a ready capo  - the Outlaws of Folk series ended its 9th year and starts its 10th in 2019- Had to say goodbye to Alta Coffee house after a cool  decade swirlin'  run and have relocated to Seal Beach with the  Humphrey Bogart's & Long beach reading Portfolios ...you know I was thinkin' -just now - no seriously - about shopping in the store and floatin' in the Coffee isle - It smells sweet - like the New year - but I don't get my hopes up - I'm actually rather unbalanced and depressed -which means I'm on the upswing ...
Hey you know what? ...no seriously....I had great recording sessions with my band- did it all live - none of that tracking ,slacking lip smacking ,over compressin' non blessin' shit. And  have that new Folk record 'Song of our Time'--- but its all the truth .So if I wind up on the side of a milk carton or get locked up like Dostoevsky - you'll  know why

 And stop kickin' my dog round'



written by Michael Ubaldini - 
copyright 2018



 

"STORY OF A POP COUNTRY MUSIC STAR"

STORY OF A POP COUNTRY MUSIC STAR"

 Written by Michael Ubaldini

In Hollywood California Dexter Mcgirth sat in his upstairs apartment.

Room 301 to be exact -

Grunge ruined everything he thought. "Yesterday I had groupies & a packed house - a stripper girlfriend named Sheila Sharp who did soft-core porn- I had endless amounts of Drugs, Sex &booze. Where did it all go wrong? -I WANT MY MTV!!" - He yelled at no one in particular. There he sat in his Spandex pants his girlfriend’s lip gloss & platform shoes and perm- How could this have happened? - His band all moved back to Milwaukee after their one album record deal. which left them penniless and rattled with STDs

Something had to change- he could join one of ‘Jimmy Jones Tribute to Tribute bands’  (part one of this story )-Naw - he never got a long with that fucker Jimmie anyway when they played in the band  "Dizzy Bitch' together ..Plus he Jimmie married that psyhco Ruby Viola who was a fan of folk singer Judy Diamond   who baby sat their kid.
Just then Nirvana came on the radio "Make It Stop!" he screamed!!

As we push ahead to many years later (though it don’t really matter how many years) - Dexter was packing to move back to Milwaukee when whilst packing he realized he forgot to get back his records from his ex-girlfriend Sheila Sharp, who now wore only flannel shirts open with a black bra (she was still a buxom specimen).She cut all her hair off pierced her face then joined an empowerment 'nonprofit group' (Which she donated all her money to) and decided she hated men. He must admit she still was damn sexy but that granola shit she was eating & feeding him made him ill. She moved to Portland after he willingly let her kick his ass verbally. He never struck or yelled back and she still screamed at him "Sexist Bastard!" as she rode off on the back of a motorcycle with her friend Ms. Molly Jazzman with Rolling Stones & Chicago Blues records under her arm...which left him a little puzzled about the sexist remark thing considering her listening taste... He never questioned her time spent with Ms. Molly Jazzman (as she liked to be called) -who owned the chopper& who was stacked& equipped with double D breast implants and wore a hairdo like Elvis Presley & had legs like Tina Turner to boot -but for some reason as angry about them leaving together for Portland as he was, thinking about it all made him sweat with ecstasy. -

His landlord Mr.Darins said he could empty some boxes in his closet and use them to pack  ... As he looked through the boxes he noticed his landlords’ records- All crooner stuff like Engelbert Humperdink - 'Tapestry' by Carole King (Must have belonged to his landlords’ ex-wife) a couple of 'New kids on the Block' albums & Justin Beiber (Which Was a little weird to say the least)

While thumbing through he stumbled on some albums by Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard, George Jones, Gram Parsons, Web Pierce & Lefty Frizell... He emptied the boxes and played the vinyl on his landlords’ turntable  but couldn’t stand the look or sound "I hate Country music" he said to no one in particular under his breath .It almost made him as mad as  hearing Nirvana. So he put it out of his mind until he saw more records in the same stack  .He arrived at newer one by the singing group  'Little Big Town.' -He took it out put it on the turntable ...SNAP! That record & the song 'Girl Crush' SPOKE to him unlike the others. It reminded him of his girlfriend bound for Portland  ..."Maybe she still dug men after all?”...then next- Blake Shelton...Then Taylor Swift...Then Lady Antebellum...It got better & better. He yelled out loud like Steve Martin in the movie 'The Jerk'...”MOTHER...FATHER.....I"VE NEVER FELT MUSIC LIKE THIS BEFORE!!!!"-This sound & production reminded him of the musical arena rock gems he heard in the 80s with a fiddle or steel added once in a while to make it all so Country...!!!

It had it all these records did. The arena sounding guitar solos...A bad out of rhythm Rap music mixed with metal , and a type of 'Hipster look,' pre wrinkled shirts and premade ripped jeans- & oh so over polished harmonies...he was inspired!!..."I’m staring a Country Band"!- he yelled out the window a couple bewildered kids setting fire to Pokémon cards with their sisters destroyed Barbie’s tied to the back fender of their bicycles .

He went out and got a Johnny Cash poster for his wall.- the one with the middle finger up, and he Dexter  posed in all his Facebook pictures the same way -flipping off the camera like all the cover bands did in their FB photos. cause it made him an authentic  'REBEL' .. He even got a tattoo of Johnny. -Didn’t matter that he never listened to Cash music. He knew 'Folsom Prison Blues' from all the cover bands who grudgingly added it to their set next to ‘Brown eyed girl' 'Mustang Sally' 'Gypsy'& 'Hotel California'. He couldn’t sing nor his band mates but they didn’t have to ...They used a fabulous device called 'AUTOTUNE'-- and a 'HARMOMNIZER'... He put the band together with his ex-hairband mates. No need to learn the words to the songs ,-they could now use 'MUSIC STANDS ON STAGE' with a binder notebook - or a some type of IPAD Tablet  teleprompter  with the lyrics. This was GREAT! .You didn’t have to believe the lyrics or INTERNALIZE them anymore... what a relief!  

  Maybe he could also become an actor in the theater on the stage and read along with other Broadway performers holding scripts in their hands starring in 'Othello'. No need to memorize lines in the new art world. The options were endless!! He could sing 'Girl Crush' proudly and change it to 'Man Crush’ and no one would think anything of it when he reversed the lyrics.  Everyone would know he was straight cause he was really singing about the girl when referring to dousing himself in her boyfriend’s cologne and sleeping with him to know what he had on him which was her. After all no one had a problem with that interpretation when sang in reverse.

He then thought better about it and changed his mind after he sang it to his buddies in his band at a restaurant open mic night for seven people then decided to never sing it again after a stunned silence. Not to mention an odd character –(that’s how Dexter thought of this person)-following him around & waiting at his car in the parking lot ......"Err well maybe that’s not such a good idea to sing that one" he said to his pals
That never mattered to Dexter anyway & he did feel liberated singing it at least that one time. It taught him to understand the anatomy of a pop song hit with its easy to understand surface level lyrics along with one half yet not a whole step beneath the surface cleverness &adding contrived controversy.  "Man these pro songwriters sure knew how to do things" he said out loud to no one in particular. "They even told you so in their writers in the round nights"....'Man'.... these in house writers really can humble you. They'll even tell you that you will be humbled by them themselves even if you don't ask them"

Dexter started to write surface songs too -not beneath the surface but sort of like them appearing deep when in the shallow water...and he needed to brush up on his songwriter conversation jargon... after all real songs weren’t written from the streets and diners and bars anymore or from real life -Only in rooms with clipboards and pro tools ...He quickly learned to over use descriptions when talking about the songwriting ‘Craft’ as they the pros called it. You could even pay a bunch of money to go to a place where you 'learned how to write' from people who used to be famous. You had to get hip to using words & phrases like ‘Hooks’ (can't have too many you know) , 'Think outside of the Box’, 'You’re too close to the project to be objective' &'We need another set of ears' ... 

He also learned if you write a song even if you wrote it all yourself .-you need to at least add six other writers names plus give them publishing& writers credit ...they deserved it after all.....Adding an all-important "The" or a "Just" to a line, or asking you to go down with a note with your vocal line in the studio. The producer he should get writers credit too along with the other set of ears guy and the drummer keeping 4/4 time cause after all when he plays the drum beat without any vocals or music on the street- everyone will recognize the song and sing along! .... It had nothing to do with publishing money "And you Dexter” -they constructively critiqued- “shouldn't be so big for your britches because there’s a LOT of talent in this town & you will be humbled very quickly"

Odd ... that couldn't be manipulation?-thought Dexter-to make him doubt himself as close minded if he didn’t agree. But he found it a peculiar thing that they- these pros -somehow were not closed minded when it didn't suit them when he suggested them to try something. Plus it seemed to Dexter like most of the people inking record deals were famous people’s kids, nieces or nephews etc.
Dexter adapted quick...even when they took his name off the songs he wrote

"Don’t be so narrow minded “& "Check your ego at the door Dexter “they advised him.

Dexter knew it was all done in the name of their true love of Country music though it seemed everybody in Nashville when he visited Music Row were from Hollywood or New York ….weird.
Dexter even learned how to put down and fend off the naysayers...the so called 'Real Country " "Authentic" or “Honky Tonk" musician songwriters by responding to them when they spoke up against his new pop country sound with answers like .."Country has evolved and accepts all comers"&  "This isn't your Grand-mamas country" “It’s called progress” He could also could fend off any musician who worked his or her ass off writing and staying true to art and overcoming so much rejection then finally landing a deal only to have some In the know 'set of ears' come in and say ...."Hmmmmmm no radio play here. I don't hear a radio hit ...just sayin'...well  err.....unless.. maybe if you just...leave your lyrics with me and I'll let you know"
If worse came to worse Dexter gave these frustrated artist naysayer types  the infamous 'MUSIC SNOB'  tag.

That deflected them Hank Williams types for a while!!  Besides he knew these purist types would eat themselves  & each other by how they  claimed to out purist the next band.It was inevitable

Dexter & the band ran out and got some new boots but wouldn’t wear cowboy hats .they decided they were no 'Hat Band' or even 'Bro Country' ... They would instead as an extension of their hairband days ..not get extensions, but buy BED HEAD HAIR PRODUCT .they could take hours to get the messy I didn’t try to get ready look and kind of comb it to the side & have it hang over one eye ...almost...with the final touch of wearing eye glasses you didn’t need with big horn rims & no lenses & never revealing he once had an old part time job at Disneyland and sidelined as a music journalist for a songwriter magazine.
Dexter towed the line so much he wound up with a record deal & named his band -
"Six String Machine'

The records sold. Millions of dollars were put behind them. They guest starred on the TV show ‘Nashville’. Dexter appeared in duets with fading rock legends who were on the same label to give each other credibility and cross over both into markets... His arena hairband metal tricks even came into play - like swinging the guitar with the strap all around in a circle around his neck where it winds up back in perfect position. He flew through the sky on trapeze wire. He threw himself backward into the audience & crowd surfed. His headphone mic would go out sometimes but no worry & you could use the auto tuning live and also have a stage full of fireworks & dancers to deflect anyone from all that. Dexter and Six String Machine won Grammy after Grammy , CMA after CMA - Hell even the 'Americana' movement started watering down their sound& joined his side - all the old rock legends were going Country....He headlined Stagecoach where bands on the main stage played mostly classic rock covers as did Dexter’s-'Six String Machine' .."Better than being in that hot tent area" he thought "with those loser bands who were too good for their own good. To real for their own good. There’s no money in that"

"Who the hell do they think they are? & I sell more records then Dwight Yokam & Roger Mcguinn anyway!" said Dexter to himself.
His old girlfriend Sheila Sharp (now wearing an open western cowboy shirt with a red bra ) along with Ms. Molly Jazzman showed up back stage at Stagecoach- They & Dexter laughed and talked of old times then settled in for a an hour of boozing and depraved fornicating of which the details could be too intoxicating & offensive for some &can't be printed here.
Sheila moved back in with Dexter.

He was offered to star in a reality TV. show - & is doing great as of this writing!- 
He critiques up and  coming pop country artist hopefuls and Sheila (who grew her hair back out) & Ms. Molly Jazzman take total female empowerment control by displaying themselves as eye candy for the consumer. And we must tell you it was their own choice not any sexist man...it’s all them...  with a take no prisoner, slapjack action in high heeled cowboy boots & one Harley Davidson, pick their own company, we are nobody’s victim attitude & if you say different they know how to deal with bullies!.... (.Dexter was starting to sweat again)
Dexter gives them both as coworkers all they've ever wanted .The two woman became CEOs of the corporation -answer to no one -and weed out all indie troublemakers  . The Jazzy looking Ms. Molly Jazzman got bored so she hired a weasel of a man named Barry Simpleton to do damage control & PR for the company .She kicks him around for cheap twisted thrills....( Ms. Molly Jazzman & Barry happily married each other in a small ceremony in Lodi California.)

 Meanwhile today Dexter’s Fame is growing...
Dexter Mcgirth Pop Country music star who is 'unstoppable as can be' at this time of writing ,is said to be recording a brand new album with a rock legend from a TV talent show who we can't name here for legal reasons. I’d like to say they all lived happily ever after

But ......This wasn't enough for Dexter...  the latest rumor (though we are unsure if it’s true)...according to our sources He: Dexter Mcgirth Pop Country music star has decided to run for President of the United States! Could this be true? A successful reality star formerly in a 80s hair glam band who wore lip gloss & spandex and stood in platform shoes with an ex stripper porn star girlfriend who turned riot girl empowerment rebel in an open top with Ms. Molly Jazzman waiting in the wings on her Harley Davidson with her new husband Barry Simpleton (who changed his last name to Jazzman after they wed)-

Could Dexter Mcgirth    'Pop Country Music Reality TV Star' leave his empire & be the next leader of the free world & President of the United States?

Naw ...It could never happen.....He couldn't win .........Or could he?

copyright Michael Ubaldini  Library of congress -all rights reserved -can not be used  in any shape or form with out permission

Part 2- Of "Jimmie Jones King of the Tribute to tribute bands"  stories

for more info visit www.rocknrollpoet.com

'New Starshakers line up!'

NEWS::

 Michael Ubaldini has added some  talented  brand new members to 'The Starshakers.'
Trust me when we say these guys know how to rock..
His former guitarist & drummer were old friends basically filling in til Michael got the right line up 
-A permanent drummer & Rhythm guitarist- .
Michael may be adding a few other things interesting into the mix as well.

"It was time to let them go & make a change for the integrity of the music to carry on.
 It was a lot of fun hangin' round those guys  playing music & grabbing mid rehearsal coffee talking about all kinds of things- They weren't guys who could hit the road & tour so to speak, the drummer has other 9 to 5 obligations & the guitarist has other artistic commitments which is a conflict. My whole life is music performing & writing it and being creative.
I support what they do & they support my decision to replace them.
 They are  friends and would never want to stand in my way

I've sacrificed everything to follow the muse. The new players I have are true dedicated solid career players including my 'Lonesome Playboys' drummer joining the crew..Jerry my bass player will be staying aboard  the Starshaker ship.
I've recruited another great guitarist who cut his teeth like myself back in the real scene.

Though the former guitarist  is no longer in the line up, I will continue on other types of artistic  projects with him.We have a great time working together.
But I do thank those two old pals ..............,but first thing is first  I got places to go, songs to write,and move where the wind takes me!"

New Line up unleashed soon at The Ranch Party & The Trip  in Los Angeles CA
As well as other select shows all over- check the show dates here.

JOIN & SUBSCRIBE TO THE MAILING LIST HERE NOW  
to get cool free goodies,
music ,downloads & physical recordings & special limited offer deals  only available to members -

Rock n Roll ruined me-And I love it!

So how did it all start? -I was like any other little kid at age 4 - playing with toys watching cartoons,living in a small tiny apartment with my mom, dad & three sisters who all shared a room. Then one day it happened.. I was sitting in front of our old black & white TV back when you had to get up and change the channels by hand playing with Matchbox cars. All of a sudden it came on TV . An old clip of the Beatles from Ed Sullivan, obviously a repeat or clip since I was not born when it happened- But it came on the black & white TV but I swear I saw it in full technicolor!

I am not shitting you! -

As years went by I looked for color footage of that clip -but there are none- yet I saw it in full blown color -She loves you yeah yeah yeah!!- They say music is made of colors or can make you feel them (as any LSD user could tell you ) -

But I never dropped acid ..never at age four & not when I got older either as my generation a decade after the 60s -growing up on first wave Punk rock already could see the damaged ruins of what was left of what people used to call hippies. Even as a little kid I'd see them roaming around muttering to themselves talking incoherently -their brains fried , burnt out ,some asking for money on the street -But not all of them. 

Some were musicians like one of the guys from Country Joe & The Fish who lived in the apartment above us with his mom in the Fairfax district- Besides some of those Hippie girls looked damn good to me too even though I was a little kid.The first song I wrote at 7 years old was called ‘Bees Make Honey’ (A pretty bluesy title when you think about it)

It had to be rock n roll-Them girls in those fringe Native American jackets ,sexy blouses and tight bell bottom jeans with those big 70s looking sunglasses-- (just like the girls in the movie 'Billy Jack' or portrayed in 'Almost Famous') First time I ever felt anything bout girls was looking at them hippie chicks standing around Nate's Milk store(Clockwork Orange anyone ?) & hanging around with my older sister a little later down the line when I hit 10 years round our home -mind you I was a kid --but remember -I saw it all & felt it in color 

nevertheless...

There had to be something in that acid that tapped into your mind where walls could melt & colors could explode within the senses . I felt that.

I hallucinated without dropping drugs.-I still can- It was the innocence of an open mind looking at the world through childlike eyes that made me see & feel it all in color. Ever since that day it was over -I was fucking ruined but in a great way - I never looked back ,for I knew I was born to play music before I even did it ..four years old mind you! ..I knew my calling for better or worse & found out much later that music -The cause & effect can affect people in a profound way.

I wasn't the only one -I'm sure you all can remember that first blast,where music for you made you feel something ,became your friend in sorrow, wild with Saturday night rebellion, sitting in the dark in your room looking at the blue lights on the stereo as the needle hit the vinyl ,playin' guitar - or how it made love & sex all that much better, - a way of life. You & I we could confide in music cause' rock n roll music was a good listener even though we were the ones listening-cause' it seemed to say everything you felt & reflect it right back at you.. 

And if you are younger & what the media calls today a 'millennial', whatever kind of music reaches out and makes you have no recourse & just belong to some exclusive thing inside your soul, I say its good. You gotta let it happen.Let it grab hold of ya'. 
Its good to be out of control and tattered in ruins. 
-I am in ruins- rock n roll ruins, 

                                                AND I LOVE IT!!

Written by Michael Ubaldini

 (c)copyright Library of congress

Ubaldini Attacked by outerspace people at Starbucks-Read the shocking true story!

I am writing good reader because , I have been disturbed by an ever repeating scene that keeps happening daily and it happened at a Starbucks...now I wont reveal which because there are not many Starbucks around as you know & they are far and few between and not on every corner.. extremely hard to find.. (as you know) And I fear that you may figure it out and we don't need the media following searching for details to put on MSNBC, FOX or CNN.. But I assure you that all of this ghastly asthmatic episode after a simple daily cup has gotten me extremely baffled and dare I say terrified... To add a little more clarity to an already confusing and stressful situation.. let me begin my sordid tale...

I was sitting 'minding my own business' like Hank Williams Sr. suggested. When out of nowhere they approached me ...started sitting with me uninvited...I tried to willfully be friendly but dear reader its was overwhelming ..Daily I tried not to make eye contact -but to no avail- ...the creatures kept sitting with me...arguing about the state of the world , religion,politics ,bands,movies .
I could tell they hated America but I couldn't relate or understand .Why  land here then reap the benefits?
After all if I  was attending  a party and hated being there and spoke of how the last  party I was at was better ,I would simply go back to the other party. Not stay & complain about where I was.That would be an irrefutable arrogance of the worst kind. ...but these trolls&hunchback gnomes in gym clothes & whatever else they could get their hands on made no sense .I was terrified and had to come up with a plan.I silently plotted my escape.....but to no avail, they hung around my neck like snug slipknot ,I was not about to swing in the breeze, people started offing themselves...after all ..if they didn't like the situation why tell me about it?

I tried to nod graciously , I tried to be rude but more & more of them kept coming ,they wouldn't stop, they turned up the heat,tried to get in my head but couldn't crack nor break me ,I guzzled the coffee ,I got refills, I tried to write songs, I did write songs , they still kept coming, uninvited, pressing ,hassling passers by ,keying my car ,yelling crude things to young women. I tried to switch my time to be at my coffee spot, but they were always there...at least one of them ,hovering over me like a helicopter to my utter inexplicable horror , It was driving me to madness, .."think of Kerouac, think of Bo Diddley ,think of Raquel Welch" -I told myself , just ignore...but  another sat down , another  insulted me, another wanted me to shack up with them , I had know idea ..nor cause, no reign of escape though through enumerable attempts failed. I drove around the block. Faked like I was leaving ..but they kept coming. They kept haunting and twisting an annoying knife into my spirit disguised as soccer  moms, artists ,office workers you name it.
Baristas complied to their ever forced demands ...

Their knotty twisted hands reaching out trying to strangle me on a forlorn afternoon...I had another cup ..it was a hot coffee ..I could throw it at them when they attacked,
..my ex girlfriend would stop by but to my unbearable horror she was overtaken ..somehow now one of them  & to gaze in her eyes made me sweat with terror..more kept coming. I kept pounding coffee , thinking faster ,moving faster ,rolling,running, and sweating. I drank more coffee ,I thought quick & the outer-space people sunk their tentacles into me..
Until I found and fell upon ......their Achilles heel ..
the words 'Fuck off' seemed to scare them . Blunt force was all it took.
It was as simple as that!

Pacifying them made them want to eat human flesh with their latte's .They scattered like roaches as if when you turn on a light...But I know they're out there ..one will creep in to see if I've weakened,   make me a horrible experiment of their own conversion of collective unconsciousness   ..
I'm not mad I tell you ,I'm not crazy or insane ....as you can see .....uh oh , forgive me, I must go- ..here comes one.  I can recognize these twisted elves with a quick one eyed glance..I know no one will believe me ...unless ...wait a minute! .May I inquire...just who are you reader? -Why didn't I catch on ?
You cant trick me ..
I believe you are one of them,You cant fool me ...you think you're oh  so very clever.-I scoff at your failure. You think you are tempting me with an agreeable nod of the head and ever woeful grin..trying to humor me with a mirror effect of my own paranoia .
 You are one of them...Yes YOU dear reader!!

Get out Get Out!!!!


Written by Michael Ubaldini
 (C) copyright 2018

'Hangin' out w/The Clash'-

Well I tell ya' it was a drunken night.I just played a show at The Palomino club in North Hollywood, when outside I started talking to a friend who came to  see me play my show & we started talkin' music.We fell upon the English Punk rock  greasers 'The Clash'- when he mentioned that Paul Simonon the bass player and king of cool of the band was living in  Los Angeles at a apt  over by 
the King King club.
There was an old coffee shop next door and Simonon hung out there he said  .Well it was three o clock in the morning so me and a friend of mine swung over there - we drove around and noticed only a couple of sort of apartments where you have to push a button to get let in .
Miraculously we found it on our first try
-(Remember we were a little drunk too).so that was a good sign -or bad - maybe wind up in jail

 People were coming out early in the morning with Brit accents.Maybe they were having a party? ..They had to be his friends -not many Brits in one building in LA. I asked this chick "hey does Paul Simonon live here?" & she said in a proper English voice "I don't think I can tell you that" -so I knew we had the right place-she was kinda bitchy to be honest ....like those Hollywood 'We are famous cause we hang around famous people types'.
Fuck it I thought .The press always wrote the Clash cared about their fans and the kids so we walked up ,my friend with a piece of crap acoustic guitar (He couldn't play a lick on any instrument or had any musical talent at all ) but he liked rock n roll so drug his guitar for some reason to my gig.

I looked on the buzzer -there it was the last name 'SIMONON'.
not even some fake name - so I buzzed it. A voice answered in a UK accent "Can I help ya'?"
I said "hey man ,we wanna meet Paul Simonon ..we are huge Clash fans and wonder if he could sign a guitar ..hope we didn't wake him I know its a bit late..maybe we could come by another time?" -- the voice came back ,"no worry hang on mate I'll buzz you in"

Well we were kinda floored -the door buzzed -we walked in the elevator to the the floor he said to go to . The elevator opened and we stood in the hall - we both looked at each other realizing we had this lame looking 20 dollar zebra striped acoustic guitar  with us -then "Boom' -out of the apartment comes The King of Punk Rock cool 'Paul Simonon' dressed just like he walked off the 
'London Calling' album cover - Black shirt ,&leather pants with a James Dean greaser haircut -- It was a great R&R moment. 

We talked about Rock N Roll,Gene Vincent & The Clash and his art.He told me he painted the Clash backdrop on early shows , "Sorry its a bit late" I said..he said "Its cool mate we were awake-- by the way cool quiff"  (That's what the Brits call the  greaser rocker hairstyle)- he signed an autograph for me on a piece of paper - He signed my buddies guitar looked at it and never scoffed at the crappy thing- just a slight grin  and took a couple pictures with us (Pre smart phones we had this Kodak throwaway camera to take pics of me and my band  at my show ) 

He asked me all about my band and and we talked a little more Eddie Cochran ,Jimmy Cliff, Art & his Clash band

mate  Joe Strummer who I'd meet a few years later when he would come  to my band
 'Michael Ubaldini &Mystery Train' Shows.
Paul told me  said he himself  had new band- 'Havana 3 AM'- .I asked him "Ya think the Clash will ever play together again?" ..he said "I don't Phink so Mate" (he said 'think' but it sounded like 'Phink') .
We noticed a good looking chick peaking out the apt door he looked back at her and said "Looks like I better go -that's me girlfriend giving me the look you know wot I mean?" we laughed said our see ya later goodbye thanks type of stuff and split. 

"Man he lived up to the press bout caring about the fans and young groups -not that spandex band ego bullshit "-me and my friend said as we headed to the car.
 We heard a distant gunshot when we left  -no bullshit- my buddy said "Shit what the hell was that?" - I said -"Its The Guns Of Brixton in Los Angeles" -

  Then we made that long drive home.
    
This True story & account  was
Written by Michael Ubaldini 
copyright (C) Ubaldini writings